My service user journey - Bob

“Over the six weeks the cause and effect of low esteem was laid bare and why I beat myself up quite so much was shown quite clearly.”

Have you opened your mouth to speak and found no voice. Have you screamed through the closed window of your car. Have you held your head at three am and cried. Have you drank alcohol or eaten the wrong things to give you a temporary lift? Well join the gang you ain’t alone and on a CBT course you will see a common thread to all these things.

Depression and anxiety are cousins from the same stable of misery. I was in one stable don’t ask me which for many years. In fact I am so bloody cheerful the doctors missed my diagnosis until reaching over sixty.

Anyway having a diagnosis was great my wife can understand depression rather than why I can’t always cope. It gave me space to find new ways of dealing with old issues.
And this is where CBT came in for me. The discussion group is a handy tool not always the answer for everybody but (... and it’s a big but) I could have stayed where I was if I wanted to be miserable.

Talking, note keeping or meeting people is not my strength but there was only a small amount of any of these anyway. Those parts I did not like the facilitators let me skip and were open to my comments why. Over the six weeks the cause and effect of low esteem was laid bare and why I beat myself up quite so much was shown quite clearly.

Am I better now? not sure, (or is that just negative thinking) we all know recovery is a battle. Watch out because suddenly it will bite back, but now I am not worried about engaging the enemy. I have stopped forcing onto myself mental and physical challenges (family gatherings and ambition) everything seems to be working out. I am like many people with depression and have my dark days but after CBT I can understand the black hole of hating myself.